Wedding Etiquette - Your Most Common Wedding Etiquette
Dilemmas Solved
by: Cori Locklin
As one of the biggest and most potentially
stressful events of your life, getting engaged and subsequently
planning a wedding brings with it an onslaught of questions.
As times change and weddings evolve, traditional rules
of etiquette have followed suit, only adding to the confusion.
To gain perspective, first understand that "etiquette" is
above all about treating people with courtesy and making
them feel comfortable. When an etiquette question arises,
consider the feelings of those who will be affected. To steer
you through the fog of questions, I've compiled a quick look
at the top five most common wedding etiquette dilemmas: Family
Etiquette, Invitation Etiquette, Gift Etiquette, Attire Etiquette
and The Cash Bar Issue.
Family Etiquette:
Introducing Your Parents -
If the bride and groom's parents have not met prior to
the engagement, tradition dictates that the groom's family
calls
and introduces themselves to the bride's family and arranges
a meeting. If the groom's parents do not make the first
introduction, then the bride's parents should. Nowadays,
who makes the
first call is irrelevant; all that really matters is that
the parents meet. If meeting face to face is impossible,
a letter or phone call will suffice.
Introducing Divorced Parents -
If the groom's parents are divorced, the parent with the
closest relationship to the groom should take the first
step in meeting the bride's parents. If both sets are divorced,
the parent closest to the groom should first contact the
bride's suggested parent. If no one begins the introduction
process, the couple should step in and ensure that everyone
meets, while refraining from forcing potentially awkward
situations.
Your In-Laws -
The groom's parents often feel left out of the planning
process. To avoid this, invite your future in-laws into
the initial
dialogue. You should immediately inform them of your ideas
regarding location, date, size and style of the wedding.
Take queues on their desired level of involvement and include
them accordingly. Let them make offers to pitch in with
finances or planning. Above all, keep them informed throughout
your
engagement.
Invitation Etiquette:
Inviting partners and guests -
If an invited guest is married, engaged or living with
a significant other, that partner must be included in the
invitation.
A single invitation addressed to both individuals should
be sent to spouses or couples who live together, while
separate invitations should be sent to each member of an
engaged or
long term couple who don't live together. Inviting single
guests with a date is a thoughtful gesture, but one that
is not required. If you are inviting a single guest with
a date, try to find out the name of your friend's intended
date and include that person's name on the invitation.
Otherwise, inner envelopes may include "And Guest," indicating
that he or she may bring any chosen escort or friend.
Guests Who Ask to Bring a Guest -
Your guests should know better! It is never appropriate
for a guest to ask to bring a date, and you have every
right
to politely say no. However, if you discover that a guest
is engaged or living with a significant other, you should
extend a written or verbal invitation.
Invitations to out-of-town guests -
Many brides ponder whether or not it's appropriate to invite
long distance guests for whom it may be impossible to attend.
Use your best judgment. Is this person truly a close friend
who would want to attend your celebration? If so, failing
to extend an invitation may be insulting. Remember, these
days friends and family are often spread all over the country,
and people are accustomed to traveling. On the other hand,
if you haven't spoken in years, an invitation may look
like no more than a request for a gift. In those cases,
send a
wedding announcement instead, which carries no gift-giving
obligation.
Gift-giving Etiquette:
Yes, we all love to receive gifts, and weddings are a perfect
occasion for gift-giving. Friends and loved ones customarily
honor the commitment of the newly betrothed by showering
them with gifts. As the happy couple, just remember to
always feel privileged—not entitled. So, let's review a bit
of etiquette as it relates to wedding gifts...
1) Never mention gifts (gift choices or gift registry)
on the invitation.
2) Publicize your registry information by word of mouth.
It's also acceptable to include it on a wedding website
or shower invitation (since showers are not typically hosted
by the bride or groom)
3) There is no polite way to ask for cash gifts. This can
only be done through word of mouth.
4) Honeymoon registries are appropriate.
5) Do not use any gifts until after a wedding.
6) All gifts, even shower gifts, must be returned if the
wedding is cancelled or annulled before living together
as a married couple.
7) Gift giving for vow renewal, reaffirmation ceremonies
or encore weddings is not mandatory, but is a nice gesture.
8) There is no special formula for determining the appropriate
amount a guest should spend on a gift. The idea that each
gift should cost as much as one plate at the reception
is an impractical misconception.
Attire Etiquette:
While rules for modern wedding attire have evolved with
the times, there are still traditional standards for fabrics,
lengths and styles. Here are some guidelines:
The formality of your bridesmaids' dresses should match
that of your wedding dress. Although traditionally the
dresses
were the same length as the wedding gown, the rise in popularity
of tea- and knee-length bridesmaids' dresses has relaxed
that rule. As long as the fabric and overall style matches
the formality of your floor-length gown, shorter bridesmaids'
dresses are perfectly acceptable.
For evening weddings, guests should dress for a nice dinner
or event - which includes suits (or black tie) for men
and dresses or skirts in sophisticated colors and fabrics
for
women. Lengths can vary according to the style of the event
and location. Female guests may now wear black, but never
white.
The Cash Bar Issue:
Yes, weddings are expensive. Yes, couples should be on
the lookout for budget saving tips. Yes, weddings are expensive
- we know. But never - under any circumstances - should
you
ever consider hosting a cash bar at your reception.
Think about it - you would never ask anyone to pay for
a cocktail in your own home. People at your reception are
still
your guests, even if the event is not held in your house.
That said, if a full bar is not within your budget, consider
these alternatives:
Host a soft bar, in which guests can order champagne, beer
and wine.
Find a reception site that allows you to bring in your
own alcohol; you will save serious cash, and anything unopened
can be returned for a full refund.
Cut down the size of your guest list - the only significant
way to reduce costs in the first place.
For a complete guide to creating an elegant and memorable
wedding celebration, visit http://www.elegala.com, your
ultimate wedding planning resource.
About The Author
Cori Locklin is editor-in-chief for http://www.elegala.com
and Elegala Magazine. Elegala is a new wedding wedding
planning resource offering the most comprehensive portfolio
of superior
wedding reception sites and wedding vendors, with the planning
tips to keep brides in the know on today's planning trends
and styles.
If you have an article you'd like to submit, please visit
our Submit An Article page.
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